Leaders get stuck when something necessary is being neglected. The difficulty is finding that missing piece—the necessary thing you've been neglecting. Once you can see what’s missing, and why you’ve been neglecting it, you can make a plan to get unstuck. This post shares five steps—an adapted version of the Immunity to Change model—to reveal why the results you want aren’t showing up. Spoiler alert: the missing piece is usually on the neglected side of a paradox.

What “Paradox” Means Here (and Why It Matters)

When I say paradox, I mean a situation in which two necessary, good things seem to pull in opposite directions—for example, protecting trust and telling the unvarnished truth, or safeguarding quality and moving fast. Progress accelerates the moment you look for ways to honor both good things. That’s Paradox-Awareness—the space where non-obvious, innovative answers tend to appear.

Why You’re Stuck (And Why That’s Good News)

If deadlines keep slipping, quality feels uneven, or your team hesitates to speak up, chances are you’re favoring one good thing and neglecting another. The neglected piece is usually the key to momentum. These five steps help you surface the commitments and assumptions underneath your current patterns so you can see the block clearly.

Five Steps to See the Real Block (Adapted from the Immunity to Change Model)

1) Notice your emotions.

Name how “stuck” shows up in your mood and in your body—tension, restlessness, fatigue, frustration, worry, fear. Then picture how it would feel if this problem were resolved. That contrast surfaces the meanings driving your choices and reminds you why this matters.

2) Spot counterproductive behaviors.

List what you’re doing—or avoiding—that keeps the problem in place. Maybe you postpone hard conversations, rewrite your team’s work at midnight, or say yes too quickly and spread yourself thin. Keep in mind that your current patterns are perfectly designed for your current results, independent of your circumstances. This is true because over time, your choices and your actions shape your circumstances. Recognizing how your current choices create your current circumstances is the first lever for changing them.

3) Reveal your competing commitments.

Behind your counterproductive behaviors are commitments to good things that you care about. What is the good or necessary thing your current behavior is designed to protect? Here are two possible answers to that question:

• “I avoid giving feedback because I’m committed to protecting trust.”
• “I resist delegating because I’m committed to high-quality outcomes.”

Your goal that feels blocked will appear to conflict with your competing commitment. Remember the definition of paradox—two good things that seem to pull in opposite directions. Paradox-aware leaders don’t pick one and neglect the other. They learn to honor both. Think of your goal and the competing commitment like the two pillars of a suspension bridge: the tension between them holds up better solutions.

4) Uncover your big assumptions.

Your commitment to your current behavior is based on a thought or a belief that can sometimes be hard to put into words. You can bring that belief into the daylight by completing this sentence: “For my behavior to make sense, I must believe that ___.”

Here are a couple of common examples: 

• “... if I give direct feedback, people will stop trusting me.”
• “... if I delegate, the work will fail and reflect badly on me.” 

These assumptions often exaggerate risk and lock you into either/or moves. Stating these assumptions out loud helps you ask whether they are always true and whether they might be tested.

5) Translate avoidance into aspiration.

When you identify a competing commitment, notice if you’ve framed it as a negative to avoid—avoid conflict, avoid mistakes, avoid looking weak. If your commitment is a negative, reframe it into a positive that you can pursue. Instead of avoiding conflict, you can work for warm, durable relationships. Instead of avoiding mistakes, you can pursue accuracy and craftsmanship. Instead of avoiding looking weak, you can pursue confident, clear leadership. This reframing turns fear into purpose, showing you how to protect what works and add what’s been neglected.

Paradox-Aware Leadership in the Wild: Satya Nadella at Microsoft

When Satya Nadella became CEO, Microsoft had extraordinary talent but the company was in steady decline. Morale was low and some of their best employees were exploring their options elsewhere. Microsoft was not seeing the growth and innovation they desired.

Nadella courageously identified behaviors that were blocking growth and innovation. The company was known for a defensive “know-it-all” culture. Smart people played it safe. Teams worked in silos. Hard truths surfaced slowly. The culture didn’t happen by accident; internal systems amplified it—most notably the old stack-ranking performance model that rewarded people for “crushing” competitors, even inside the company. That bred rivalry and caution.

Underneath the old policies and practices were competing commitments. Stack ranking, for example, was designed to protect excellence, urgency, discipline, and hard work. 

Nadella had to challenge the assumption that without fierce competition, urgency would slip. He had to surface and test the belief that smart people are the ones with all the answers. He knew that to rekindle growth and innovation, Microsoft’s people would need a Growth Mindset. They would need to become learn-it-alls, not know-it-alls. 

Finally, Nadella reframed what the old system was trying to avoid (complacency, slack effort) into a clear aspiration: world-class outcomes, powered by a growth-mindset culture where curiosity, candor, and empathy are performance drivers. 

He didn’t abandon urgency or hard work; he simply paired those commitments with a new attention to learning—unlocking collaboration, faster truth-telling, and a turn from “we know” to “we can learn, and ship.”

The turnaround at Microsoft is almost unprecedented in corporate history. It went from being a fading has-been to an innovation engine far surpassing all its former glory.

Try It Now: Five Personal Prompts

Use these prompts to better understand your own blocked results.

Prompt 1 — Name the feeling.

Try to come up with a single word or phrase that describes what it feels like to be stuck: Maybe… “Tight?” “Drained?” “On edge?” 

Then imagine yourself in a future where this block is resolved. How does that feel? Maybe… “Light?” “Calm?” “Clear?”

Prompt 2 — Find your counterproductive behaviors.

Name at least one thing you’re either doing or avoiding that reinforces or contributes to the stuck situation.
Here are some possible examples: “Postponing a product review.” “Rewriting my team’s work at midnight.”

Prompt 3 — Write your goal alongside your competing commitment.

“I want to ___, but I’m committed to ___.”

Here are some possible examples: 

• “I want to give candid, timely feedback, but I’m committed to protecting warm relationships.”
• “I want to scale through delegation, but I’m committed to delivering high quality.”

Prompt 4 — Surface your big assumptions.

You can do that with a sentence like the following: “For my behavior to make sense, I must believe ___.”

Possible Examples:

• “... if I give direct feedback, they’ll lose trust in me.”
• “... if I delegate, the work will fail and reflect badly on me.”

Prompt 5 — Reframe a negative into a positive aspiration.

To envision a future you believe is worth fighting for, you need to shift from avoidance to action. If your goal or your competing commitment is currently framed as something you’re trying to prevent, reframe it to a positive outcome you can work for. Use the following sentence

“Instead of avoiding ___, I’m fighting for ___.”

Possible examples: 

• “Instead of avoiding conflict, I’m fighting for warm, durable relationships.”
• “Instead of avoiding mistakes, I’m fighting for accuracy and craftsmanship.”

Where This Goes Next

By naming emotions, patterns, competing commitments, and the assumptions that hold them in place—and then translating avoidance into aspiration—you’ve revealed the real source of your block. That understanding is the bridge to breakthrough solutions. In my next post, I’ll share a simple cadence for generating and testing Both/And moves so today’s insight becomes durable momentum.